Breaking and being Broken
by Strange Music
Summary: Carson still felt their eyes on him….and he knew. If he stayed a second longer he would talk. Would tell them anything that had happend. And then they would hate him. Spoiler for Misbegotten


**Title: Breaking and being broken**

**Author:** Strange Music  
**Pairing:** none…maybe later  
**Summary:** He still felt their eyes on him….and he knew. If he stayed a second longer he would talk. Would tell them anything that had happend. And then they would hate him.

**Archive:** If you want it……just tell me where it is.  
**Sequal:** My Muse wants Carson to find out if Michael survived or nor. Has some ideas with episode 4 now.

**Disclaimer:** The people I play with belong to respective actors and owners.

**Warnings:** Spoiler for Season 3 Episode 2 **MISBEGOTTEN**

**Feedback:** Seek and live for it. It is my little blue happy  
pill to keep the bad thing called RL in cage.

* * *

**Breaking and being broken**

By Strange Music

"It's all right Doc" Sheppard assured him "We all know how strong they are."

"Would have probably squealed too" Rodney added. Stopping Sheppard with a quick wave of the hand from adding something to remind him that he actually had at times.

"I am sure you did your best." It was Teyla now. Speaking calmly while placing her hand softly on his arm. Nothing more than a brush, almost as if she was afraid to hurt him.

"They are devious creatures don't blame yourself." Ronon just growled.

He just threw a slight smile at them.

Their reassurance was nice. That they told him that it wasn't his fault that he had broken under the pressure. That they didn't blame him for telling Michael about the bomb.

He could see it in their eyes. Too clearly the worry about what they thought had happened to him. Torture...Mind rape. His raw wrists an obvious clue to them on what had happened. That there must have been torture of some kind involved.

After all it was Michael. And Michael was a Wraith. Has been and always will be. No matter how much he would change.

They turned to the exit of the Jumper Bay...waiting for him to follow.

But he couldn't bring himself to move. Couldn't bring himself to go with them. Because if he would leave this room with them now he would tell them.

Everything.

He needed some time to to think...to breath.

"Doc?" Sheppard was sounding worried now. He had expected Carson to follow them.

But he couldn't.

Not yet.

"Maybe you should go to sickbay?" Rodney asked, sounding even more worried now. It warmed him that they cared so much for him. At least as long as they didn't know what had really happened.

"Maybe he just wants to be alone for some time." He would have hugged Teyla if he'd had any strength left to make it across the room over to her.

As it was it took enough of his strength to master another smallsmile for them. There were a few arguments sounding through the Bay. But they got more quiet and finally stopped altogether when the door closed behind them.

Only now did he take the time to sit down and hide his face in his hands.

Why should he need a doctor? Why would he need Medbay when the complete extend of his injuries could be healed with a simple ointment to the wrists?

Yes. Each of them thought they know what had happened on the planet.

Yet they had no clue what had really happened.

He hadn't broken under pressure.

He had done something that was probably worse in their eyes.

He had talked.

There had been no torture, no Mindmeld. No people had been tortured in front of him to make him talk.

There was only Michael. Wraith Michael. Sane Michael. Human Michael.

Because that's what he was. Whether they or even Michael himself liked it or not. He had been changed. Not by his wish, but by theirs.

Michael himself had never had a choice in this question. And now they were condemning him for this.

Just Michael.

Who had told him how much it had hurt when they and especially Carson himself had betrayed him a second time. Who had told him that now thanks to them he would never belong anywhere. Not being human...not being Wraith. The HalfWraith outside probably looking at the same faith.

No human would ever trust them enough to give them more than the most basic freedom if they stayed with the humans. And no Wraith would ever trust them again. Which at best meant a live as a slave. And at worst would probably get them killed within a month.

Michael had sworn him that they would leave and had promised him that he would take care of the others. And Carson had trusted him. Not because he didn't have any choice. But because he couldn't choose any different.

On more than one occasion Michael had trusted them.

Now it was his turn.

Because he knew that when push came to shove Sheppard would detonate the bomb without any thoughts of the Wraith that still were human.

Still believed in them.

Still trusted him.

They would all be dead.

Rish with the soft smile who would blush if being teased.

Stave who slapped his shoulder hard and told him to toughen up. But called him Doc and was always there when help was needed.

Drase who was so eager to listen and learn when he talked.

And so many more like them.

The might not be real human to the Colonel or the rest of Atlantis...but they real to him. Actually more real human than many people he had gotten to know in his life.

And that was why he had told them everything. About the bomb and that once they had deactivated it they should probably leave as quickly as they could. Before Rodney would find another way to make it detonate.

And Michael had smiled.

No harsh smile.

A small grateful one.

"I am almost sorry that we will probably never see each other again Doc"

A soft sigh but he felt a similar small smile appear on his lips. "So am I lad…So am I."

And then he had felt a soft brush on his cheek and a small command "Sleep"

He wasn't sure what happened in between…all he knew was that the next time he woke up it was on the floor of the Puddle jumper with a Mask over his face. And Teyla worried brown eyes looking at him, like he might break.

He wasn't in pain. Just tired. To drained to even considered on doing more than simply getting back on his feet when they arrived back at the Wraithship.. Knowing that there would be no way for him to ever find out of they had made it. Not having considered a full bombardment on the planet side to follow when the bomb had failed.

He just hoped they had made. Couldn't live with the thought that they hadn't.

So yes there were right in a way.

There had been pain.

A lot of it.

But remembering Michael's eyes only half of it had been on his side.

And for the first time since this whole war had started, Carson wasn't so sure which side the monsters were really on.

**The End**

PS: Like I said...Maybe sequal...Muse is still unsure. But she likes the thought of Michael helping Ronon a bit and she wants to pass that message to Carson.


End file.
